


Safety

by po3t



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, M/M, No Beta, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Post-Sburb, Sad John Egbert, Sadstuck, Self Harm, Shit, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Vent Work, johndave - Freeform, lmao why do i ONLY ever write shit ab suicide and sh, might do another but just change johns name to karkats, pesterchum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26507569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/po3t/pseuds/po3t
Summary: Your name is John Egbert, and you just tried to kill yourself.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	Safety

The gun had been pressed cooly to your scalp, numbly harsh against that slightly soft divot. There wasn’t even a moment of hesitation between the tips of your fingers and the pull. What you were met with was rather anticlimactic, as you were still standing there, still breathing. 

Your name is John Egbert, and you just tried to kill yourself. 

Your breath is coming in quick and ragged, the gun perched dangerously on the desk to your right. The safety cocked. Your eyes are squeezed shut, held together with a padlock. Teeth are precariously and anxiously kneading at the inside of your lip. 

Your thoughts are terrorizing you, they are yours.

A sob wracks it’s way through your body and you double over, shrivel up into a pathetic heap on the carpeted floor. Carpet burn is a daunting threat to your poor hands, rubbing themselves raw.

The pesterchum notifications are none other than background noise. Nothing more than a hazy blur in the midst of your emotional agony. You’ve done idiotic things, but god fucking damn it, does this win the top spot. Yay! There goes alone time.

More than enough time has passed before you’re able to stand again. The light of your desktop blinding as you stumble into its audience, your dear old chair. 

Your hands ache and sting when they find the mouse and keys. 

\-- turntableGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 23:47 --

[23:47] TG: fuckin hell of a joke egbert

[23:49] TG: my saviour complex is bouncing off the walls right now, its been lying dormant 

[23:49] TG: waiting for its chance to emerge and comfort suicidal fucks over the internet

[23:50] TG: fuckin annoying the shit out of me too

[23:50] TG: you got any clue how loud this dickwad is 

[23:50] TG: its voice is pitchier than fuckin a child’s scream

[23:58] TG: egderp???

[01:02] TG: yo egbert

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:05] TG: john

[01:07] TG: this aint a funny prank man

[01:08] TG:i know youre kinda off the handle with your pranksters gamble bullshit again but goddammit

[01:12] TG: john i swear to fuck

[01:12] TG: answer me man 

[01:16] TG: im gonna call you 

\-- turntableGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at [01:16] --

As if on cue, your ears were attacked as the phone downstairs screeched out its insistent, almost angry, tune. 

It wasn’t as if you could save your ears from bleeding now, but that didn’t stop you from fucking trying. Your steps were loud and the house was creaky, you noted after a couple steps down. 

Your eardrums were thrumming, almost mocking the scathing waves leaping around like a wild animal. Your hands clamped around the edge of the counter where your phone sat face down. The wretched thing was painfully unaware of the havoc it was currently wreaking on everyone in the vicinity. You weren’t given the opportunity to second guess anything before you tapped answer. 

“Damn bro, took ya long enough to answer.” A nonchalant voice sprung around you. It was too fucking loud, everything was too fucking loud right now. 

“Yeah,” Anything else you’d have liked to say flew out the goddamn door and into an abundance of trees right there. You silently cursed the slight wobble your voice decided to terrorize you with. 

“Shit man, you good?” You opened your mouth to answer ‘Yeah, great actually!’ fucker decided speak again before you could say anything.

“That was a prank right?” You could almost see the way one of his eyebrows shot up, his sunglasses shifted slightly upward, and his mouth stretched into a chapped frown. 

It was right then and there that you positioned a big ‘ol fuck it to the heavens, and stomped down anything glueing your lips together. 

“No,” 

He went silent, not even breathing audible.

Your cheeks are wet. 

You decide to ignore it.

“f-Fucking safety was on man,” You mentally face palm, fuck stupid fucking crying voice, stupid stupid stupid stupid.

“God I’m such an idiot, Dave.” 

“Fucking SAFETY, my fucking god-“ You realize now that you’re full on, full blown bawling your goddamn eyes out. Your hand shoved into you lips and muffling your sobs, your breath stuttering every time you make a sound. 

You drop the phone onto the counter.

It barley registers to you that you’re now on the floor, ass digging painfully into the hardwood beneath you. Your other hand tugging painfully at the roots of your hair. 

There are noises around you, they snarled with bared teeth and awkward claws on polished flooring. You could feel their hot breath weaving around you, their hold permanent. 

Suddenly a hand was gripping onto your shoulder, gently shaking you away from them, so very fucking gentle, you shivered and they died and scampered away. 

You released the hold on your sore scalp and refocused your attention on the bleary shape crouched next to you, with a head there, some arms over there, feet something probably, and wow. Bright red eyes, you had half a mind to be scared for a second there, but that quickly disintegrated when the figure spoke.

“John...?” There was concern laced with grievance. 

You failed to notice when Dave had entered your house. That wasn’t important though, not when he timidly wrapped his arms around you, obviously ready to let go if you pulled away. 

You didn’t.

You felt yourself lean into the touch. And as if it were your first time in the world you were tired. So very goddamn fucking tired. 

He didn’t say anything else, you followed his example and allowed yourself to relax. 

He was here. And for now that helped, a shit ton.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao sorry ig


End file.
